I have travel brochures, maps and the like scattered all over my living room right now as I plan a trip to northern and eastern Europe two years from now.
This is Prague. This is where I assume to be spending most of my time.
God I can’t fucking wait.
Most people whinge too much, me thinks.People should use the word whinging more often. It’s a quality word.
Complete with old cheddar melted on toast.
I never want to go back to work if this is how sick days can be.
Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We’re getting married and going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML
WHAT THE FUCK were these people doing!? How does that even fucking happen? And to mention it so damn casually, like this is the least dangerous thing that could have happened that night. “Oh yeah Betty, Doug and I were just trying out our new sex chainsaw up on the roof when my panda costume got caught on the car battery that was sending 100v of electricity straight to my anus when —wouldn’t you believe it— I accidentally nicked his foreskin with the chainsaw blade! Thank god it was nothing serious; I’d hate to have to explain this to my parents.”
Has anyone used one of those Swiffer wet broommop things? I’m considering getting one because my lazy ass is tired of using a bucket to wash the damn kitchen but like fuck son, I don’t want to blindly pay 40$ for some automatic mop that might turn out to be a piece of shit, or a robot designed to kill me in my sleep.
Feedback?
I don’t think robots are allowed to harm humans.
You haven’t met my father’s Rooba.
Has anyone used one of those Swiffer wet broommop things? I’m considering getting one because my lazy ass is tired of using a bucket to wash the damn kitchen but like fuck son, I don’t want to blindly pay 40$ for some automatic mop that might turn out to be a piece of shit, or a robot designed to kill me in my sleep.
Feedback?
I am going to spend all weekend watching Russ Meyer movies while drinking cheap champagne.
I fucking love having a plan.
The Creepshow - Take My Hand
Psychobilly is about as romantic as I get.
I will attend to this toute-suite.
Life isn’t divided into genres. It’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel. You know, with a bit of pornography if you’re lucky.
―
Alan Moore (via kari-shma) (via quote-book)
YUP.
“…when He created you lying in bed
He knew what He was doing
He was drunk and He was high
and He created the mountains and the sea and fire at the same timeHe made some mistakes
but when He created you lying in bed
He came all over His Blessed Universe.”—Charles Bukowski
Lana Turner in Ziegfeld Girl 1941
This is what my alter ego looks like all the time. She rides around drunk on a glittery holographic pink unicorn throwing confetti in the air and only stops to eat chili dogs and seduce attractive tattooed men in suits into buying her shoes.
Investigating the human condition in all of its terrifying glory. In the name of science. And humor. Mostly humor.
